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I found this post through Phil Gerbyshak’s Make It Great blog – and wow, what a really great post. I’m going to go through your whole site later today and do a post about it on my blog after I’ve had time to process it. My first impression is that your whole site looks very professional and seems to have a ton of great content.

Not taking things personally is obviously a good lesson for everyone, but your approach to the subject as an artist really drew me in. The swswswsw thing is something I’ve been struggling with personally for a long time. I made a feature film about 10 years ago – a full length, 35mm movie that I wrote, produced and directed. It’s the kind of thing most people dream about, really…but I got so intimidated by my fear of criticism that I let the film wither and die after completing it. Now, I’m working at bringing the film back to life on my site BreathingRoomMovie.com but I’m still dealing with the same fears. It’s a fine line between wanting to improve something and just letting it get out there. I think of the six years it took Lucinda Williams to finish Car Wheels On A Gravel Road. In her case, it paid off.

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Colleen says

Thanks Chirstine! Taking things personally is so sneaky–like I know I shouldn’t take things personally but I still do and I am draining lots of good energy without really knowing it. Your swswswsw and the list thing, and the reminder of being centered in yourself when starting the day instead of the externals driving you is very helpful.

Reply

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says

Heya Christine!

I really like number nine! Sometimes its really easy to take offense to something someone has said to you. When things like this happen we often have conversations with ourselves, talking that person down.

In effect, we are trying to talk ourselves into believing that we actually are right and the person who offended our senses is wrong.

When we do this its often a very good indication that we need to shut up, listen to what the person is actually saying and actually take it to heart. We often hear what we want to hear and disregard the true message and thats a mistake.

Reply

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says

Where was this blog 2 summers ago?

It took me practically 30 years — and a lot of time, space and perspective – to realize I took everything personally. Moreover, I internalized every upsetting and unfavorable situation. The topper was my ability to put the highest most unrealistic expectations on myself and everyone around me.

It’s so wonderful to enter a new decade more self aware with inner demons in check. It still takes a conscious effort on my part to step back and ask myself if I’m reacting too emotionally, personally or investing too much time and energy in a person/place/thing when I should let it go and move on, but I’ve made big time progress. High fives all around. Good for me!!

Reply

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bullybloggers July 5, 2014 at 7:02 pm

I try to be!

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July 8, 2014 at 11:47 pm

How do you feel about “shemale”?

Reply
kjq July 5, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Thank you for such an articulate analysis of a troubling trend.

Reply
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July 5, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Also, Jack, how I’m the world do you get from “trans people don’t like cis folks using to anti-trans slurs” to “trans people are assimilationist”? It’s almost as if you can only come up with the most insulting explanation possible, perhaps because you’re a shitty academic with an ugly soul.

Reply
bullybloggers July 5, 2014 at 9:03 pm

You are right, it could be my ugly soul but here’s the thing Assimilationist Tranny – not all trans people mind the T-Word – that’s what I am trying to say. Some of us like it!! It was never a medical term and not only a slur, it has a long history as a term of affection used by trannies for and about trannies and like many other queer slang terms, it does important work: dyke, queer, fag. I am sorry you found the explanation offered here offensive but if I hit a nerve, maybe it is worth thinking things through just a little…thank you for reading.

Reply
Tai Miller July 6, 2014 at 1:35 am

Real safe space should allow for the word tranny because it reflects the very specific experiences of some of the people in that space. Some people claim that word and it’s important to them and by putting it down you’re triggering them, usually to anger.

KNE July 6, 2014 at 1:42 am

I’m sympathetic to your general argument, but I don’t think that it the argument accurately describes the motivations animating the “t-word” controversy as cleanly as it seems you believe. A better frame of reference is the “n-word” debates among african americans, and notions of intergroup vs intragroup usage. From what I hear from trans folks who’ve expressed opposition to the casual use of the word, I don’t think personal pain is really the issue as much as collective dignity. (Note: dignity is not an assimilationist goal.) In any case it’s easy enough for white dudes like me just to not say the n-word, and it’s easy enough for cis people like me to just not say the T-word.

quendergeer July 6, 2014 at 2:54 am

It was certainly impressive how you managed to link queer youth trying to create safe spaces to the military industrial complex. That’s the sort of theoretical chutzpah that lets you call grass roots resistance to reactionary rhetoric “neo-liberal” and still paint yourself as a queer outsider resisting assimilation.

Lilee July 6, 2014 at 11:43 am

Wow, Genderqueer, you say nothing so eloquently. Also, other person, tranny cannot be in any way equated to nigger. Why are we so afraid of words! It’s not like we’re using them to oppress. We’re talking about them. How do you talk about something and not name it? What does that do psychologically? Rhetorically? Transvestites were not physically enslaved in America and then politically and economically enslaved for… well, they still are. That word carries with it all of the racism and violence of those actions. It’s a word used to dehumanize. As a cisfemale bisexual monogamist, I never used the word tranny as a slur. As soon as I was told by a genderqueer youth that it was a slur (not because I’d used it, but out of context), I never used it again. Except in this kind of conversation. In fact, in my job as a rhetoric teacher, I have corrected students who have used it descriptively, unaware that it is offensive because they often live in little bubbles of unawareness that education is supposed to pop, not reinforce with steel and barbed wire.

S July 6, 2014 at 11:42 am

Sadly for you, there’s no Lambda award for being rude on the Internet.

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Capture high value prospects
Automatically message visitors on your website
Proactively reach out to and chat with visitors of your website based on what they do.
Written by Zara Burke Updated over a week ago

You can proactively reach out to visitors on your website based on who they are and what they do. Here’s how to create visitor auto messages that help you chat to, capture and qualify high quality leads.

Important:

We’ve already set you up with a welcome message

To get you started, we’ve set you up with a simple welcome message that will automatically send to people the first time they visit your site, so they’ll know where and how to ask you questions. You can go ahead and edit the copy , then set it live.

Note: Once you set your welcome message live, it’s possible to turn it off again.

You can create a new visitor auto message in minutes. First, click the Messages icon from the left-hand navigation bar and select ‘Visitor Auto Messages.’ From there, click ‘New auto message.’

Next, you’ll need to target each message to send to the right prospects, at the right time.

For example, visitors who check out your pricing page numerous times, could be considering making a purchase. Send them a message while they’re on your pricing page, offering to help answer their questions. Your filters here would look something like this:

For example, you might know that visitors who arrive on your site after clicking a link from a ProductHunt promotion are more likely to convert to customers. You could specifically message these folks when they visit your pricing page for the third time. Your filters here could look like this:

Pro tip: Bookmark this link for when you need inspiration on what other powerful messages to send .

Here’s the full set of rules you can target each message by:

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integration, you’ll also see additional company data to choose from, like the number of employees in a visitor’s company, the total amount of funding they raised, and more.

For example, you can target your message to high value visitors who work in companies with over 100 employees, who raised over $1,000,000 and were founded recently. Your filters here would be:

Next, it’s important to select the right type of message to send to your visitors to engage them in the right way:

Choose ‘Chat’ to start a conversation with your visitors. These is the smallest, most subtle message type.

Choose ‘Note’ to encourage your visitors to take a specific action on your site, like start a free trial. This offers more functionality than a ‘Chat’ style message. For example, you can add buttons to encourage action.

Application Manager

User Manager : The User Manager can create, update, and delete users, phones, tokens, and bypass codes. The User Manager can also configure and run directory synchronization .

User Manager

Help Desk : Help Desk administrators can view and update existing users, phones, tokens, and bypass codes; and can send Duo Mobile activations to users. Help Desk admins cannot create or delete users, run a directory sync, or export information to a text file. You can restrict help desk admins' ability to create bypass codes for users in Help Desk settings .

Help Desk

Billing : The Billing role allows view and update of billing information, hardware tokens and telephony credits purchases, and management of sub-accounts. This role may only access the Dashboard and Billing page.

Billing

Phishing Manager : Administrators with the Phishing Manger role can launch and monitor phishing campaigns from the Duo Admin Panel . This role can also view limited information about Duo users and groups.

Phishing Manager

Read-only : Admins assigned the Read-only role may view (but not modify) basic information about users, groups, phones, tokens, and applications, as well as view reports. Read-only administrators may not access the Billing and Directory Sync pages.

Read-only

Learn more about delegating administrator rights with role assignments at Duo Administrative Roles .

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as an Owner and click Administrators in the left sidebar. The list shows administrator names, roles, email addresses, and phone numbers.

Click the Reports button in the upper right side of the log display and select CSV or JSON to download a a list of administrators. You can also select URL to obtain a direct link to your current administrators view. If you've filtered your current view (like by entering search text in box), the report only includes the filtered results.

Reports

Clicking on an administrator's name displays details about that user, including the assigned role.

You can jump directly to your own administrator account details by clicking Edit Profile in the upper right hand corner of the Duo Admin Panel.

Edit Profile

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as an Owner and click Administrators in the left sidebar.

Click either the Add Administrator menu item, or the Add Administrator button at the far right.

Add Administrator

Enter the new Duo administrator's email and name. The email address entered here is the new admin's sign-in name, so it must be unique.

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